Misery
by LokiHetfield
Summary: This is part two of It Hurts, so read that first if you haven't! Sorry about how abruptly this ends though…..-Lokitty


Well shit. I cried over her, after about six months I cried over her and I hated it. It was because in the morning I had decided I was going to talk to her if I saw her in the locker room, but I just, froze. She was leaving as I was going in and I kept walking, I told myself "Talk to her!" but I just couldn't do it. On the way to my friends I told myself I was a fucking idiot and I lost it, so I grabbed a friend and we went off so I could cry, and I cried for little while. Then I did something stupid again, we went to get water in the cafeteria for me, and I kept my back to her but then I turned and she saw me crying and I ran and hid in the bathroom.

I think I'm ok now, but I'm not totally sure. I had a dream again: _There was some event going on after school in the cafeteria. I had been with my friends then I wandered off and she passed by and I call/blurted out her name. She turned to me and I asked if we could talk, but she didn't want to and started to walk off. I followed her and begged like a child, I needed to talk. Tears started to well up in my eyes and she went into the bathroom and I just looked at her, crying. Tears were forming in her eyes too and she went into a stall and I waited, I couldn't just leave her like that. When she came out I put my hands up in surrender and she walked past me saying "We can talk." I followed her, *fuzzy part that I don't remember* and then I fell on top of her and we laughed. I had already told her I loved her and she said she didn't want to say it but she felt the same. When we stood up she kissed me and told me she loved me._

I woke up crying, but I can't tell if I was crying because I was sad or happy, but I was crying. I am literally typing this in class right now, she's at the front, but she doesn't know what I'm typing. :c

So it's be a while, cause we had spring break, but I found something to obsess about so I'm doing ok.

So I totally flipped out today because I was going to turn in my application for NHS and she was coming down the stairs and she stopped to tell me that it was closed. The most passive person in the entire world broke the most awkward silence in the world. I died inside, but like in a good way. Tomorrow's her birthday and I'm thinking about making her a card with doodles of all of her favorite things.

I was too nervous to give her the card and oreos myself, so I gave them to a friend to give them to her for me. She left school early but she stopped before leaving to tell my friend to tell me thank you, and that just made me die inside too. Who knew two simple little words could make me the happiest person in the world.

I guess this isn't misery anymore, or honestly I don't know what this is. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now, do I talk to her? Or like, what do you want me to do universe? What do you want from me? There's a song called Dare You, and I want to do what it's telling me to but I just, can't.

So a friend and I have created a plan so she'll talk to me, or at least say something to me. We have a test this week but her class has it the day before mine and my friend was supposed to tutor me but she's leaving so after she takes the test she's going to make notes for me and give them to her to give to me and hopefully that'll be enough to spark at least small talk. I hope for the best, I think we all do. She hasn't said anything to me directly about the card yet, so for all I know she might say something to me about it today, I hope she does!

Um, it's been like a couple months and I'm still super busy so mini summary: Told her that I loved her *le gasp* we are really good friends now, fell in love with another girl, told her, are waiting until after summer break before hooking up.

Kay ya no, it's still summer but I realized that, while I have feelings for that other girl, I can't date her. Because no matter what I do the original girl is my world, and that will never change.


End file.
